Dear T.C.: New advice column offers honest, empathetic ear

By Two Cents
Beacon Columnist

Welcome to “Dear T.C.,” a new Beacon column offering an honest, empathetic ear for readers looking for perspective, advice or simply someone to listen. We all face situations that leave us feeling unsure or conflicted, and not everyone has a trusted friend to turn to when things get complicated. That is where “Dear T.C.” comes in, a space for open, judgment-free guidance that aims to help readers think through challenges and find their own resolution.

In today’s world, it can feel like everyone is shouting and no one is listening. This column is about changing that, one honest conversation at a time. I am not a professional counselor, just an everyday neighbor who believes in kindness, communication and straight talk. If you are facing a dilemma and want a humble, thoughtful take, write in to “Dear T.C.,” and let’s work it out together.

Dear T.C.,

“Help! My partner, with whom I live, and my best friend don’t like each other. My best friend did something that she won’t apologize for, and my partner no longer wants to be around her. I feel like I’m torn in two. How do I fix this?”

Signed,
Torn in Two

Dear Torn in Two,

First of all, I have a hunch you may be a “fixer” by nature, and that can be a rough one on the heart and mind in itself. Not knowing the details of what occurred, I think it’s safe to assume that you consider what your friend did was, indeed, wrong or at least inappropriate. I think you need to be upfront and honest with both your friend and your partner. Share how you feel about not only this incident, but their disconnect as a whole, and reassure them both of how important they and your relationships with them are to you.

I also suggest you make it clear to your friend the impact her actions have had on your relationship with your partner and the pain it has caused you. If your friend’s lack of understanding and refusal to apologize puts you in a position of having to make a choice, and a hard one at that, the question I would have to ask myself is why a friend would choose not to help rectify a situation that she caused.

I would tend to think that if it was simply a “dumbass move” like we’ve all done from time to time, for whatever reason, and not deliberately or in malice, a true friend would want to help right what went wrong. If not, I would then have to question the intention, whether it be out of insecurity, jealousy or something maybe she isn’t even in touch with herself.

I understand how you must feel — torn and struggling with your loyalty to both. I also believe in the good ol’ golden rule of “do unto others” and “putting the shoe on the other foot.” I think the key things to focus on are these: If the situation were reversed and you were in your partner’s shoes, would you react and feel similarly? If your friend is not willing to acknowledge her wrong and make an honest attempt to make amends with both you and your partner, is she truly a friend you want to keep in your life?

I think you need to take a good hard listen to your gut and instincts, and let your heart help guide you through the process.

Wishing you the best and that your friend has the respect and integrity that is needed to nurture a rich friendship. I also hope that your partner can find the grace that’s sometimes necessary to be given to others to allow a relationship to heal and prosper.

Best regards,
T.C.

If you need a neighbor’s perspective or just someone to listen, send your note to tc@munisingbeaconmedia.com. Your story might be next in “Dear T.C.”